Home is a Wounded Heart
by lexie2
Summary: Tragedy strikes the Luthor household. Feeling guilty and incapable of dealing with pain,Lex pushes away the only woman he s ever loved.Meanwhile,Lana reaches a decision that will break their hearts but destiny has something unexpected in store for both.
1. Grief

Disclaimer: all Superman and Smallville characters belong to DC Comics and Gough & Millar. No Infringement's intended.

Spoilers: small reference to Hydro.

**HOME IS A WOUNDED HEART**

CHAPTER 1: Grief

SMALLVILLE 2007

It was an unusually bleak morning of July. It seemed the weather had changed to fit the mood that had seized Luthor Mansion of late. It was the morning she decided to pack and leave despite what she felt deep in her heart. She needed him, needed to share with him the tragedy that had befallen them but he had closed up emotionally. She had tried to break down the walls he had erected around his heart, but she didn´t have the strength to fight any longer.

The day it had happened he had locked himself up in the room, denying her access. He had stopped eating and sleeping; and it had taken Martha Kent two hours to convince him to open the door and let her in. Martha Kent, the mother of the young man whose ghost had stood between them for so long; the woman who had managed to put some humanity back into Lionel Luthor and who had been the closest thing to a mother Lex had had since he came to Smallville, was the only female whose comfort he accepted.

Three months had gone by. Three months of agony. Ninety days of missing him and his warmth. It seemed the man she had come to love after so many years had died that day. He who was the only constant in her life, her rock, had shut her out and it hurt like hell- if anything, it tripled her grief. She was sure he blamed her, and she dreaded to think what would happen if he awoke from his trance and decided to come out and face her, for she didn´t know if she´d survive the look of those blue-grey eyes.

Lana climbed down the stairs of the mansion with her suitcases and got into the taxi that was already waiting for her on the driveway. She shut the door firmly and told the driver her destination before her resolve disappeared. She got away from Lex´s life but left her heart behind.


	2. Studying the Grounds

CHAPTER 2: Studying the Grounds

ZURICH 2014

It was snowing heavily and the tarmac was completely white, when Lex´s Lear Jet finally landed. Switzerland was the last leg of a business tour that had taken him to four major cities around the world- Sydney, Hong Kong, St Petersburg and Kuala Lumpur.

It was the first time he left American soil after his self-imposed reclusion. He wasn´t over it; he doubted he´d ever manage to overcome what had happened to him and Lana, but it was time to expand the emporium overseas. Notwithstanding his isolation, the previous four years had seen the strengthening of his reputation as a ruthless businessman- a man whose sphere of influence stretched beyond the four walls of his seventeenth century refuge and who wasn´t afraid of making enemies. He had nothing to lose for all he held precious had been taken away from him seven years before. Lex Luthor was not a happy man. He had thought once that she could save him, but it wasn´t meant to be. He had been branded at birth and no matter how hard he´d tried to escape his destiny; it had caught up with him. He had hoped with all his heart that he didn´t get what he deserved, but God hadn´t spared him. Lex wished He had remembered Lana and not punish her because of him.

Six years before he had got Lana´s divorce papers and, although it had torn him apart, he had signed them without hesitation. He owed it to her for putting her through it all. He couldn´t fathom what it must have been like for her. She must have suffered three times what he had, and he regretted not being there for her. He had needed her so badly but hadn´t have the courage to face her; not when it had been him the one to blame.

Lex got off the plane perfectly groomed after a fast and uneventful flight from Kuala Lumpur. A black limo was waiting for him at the airport to take him to the Prince Regent Hotel. The choice of accommodation wasn´t just a matter of comfort but of business; in fact Zurich´s Prince Regent would be the fifth hotel of the chain he´d be staying at.

¨Welcome to the Prince Regent, Mr Luthor, ¨said the manager, giving the passport back to Lex. ¨Franz, upgrade his reservation, please, ¨he said, addressing the receptionist. ¨I´m sorry for the inconvenience, Mr Luthor. Had we known ´Global Ventures´ was a subsidiary of Luthorcorp, we would have booked the Presidential Suite before-hand. ¨

¨Don´t bother with the upgrade, Franz. I prefer it this way, ¨answered Lex. ¨I´d appreciate your discretion, though. I want to keep a low profile during my stay, ¨he added in an undertone.

¨We´re at your service, sir, ¨responded the manager.

¨I´ll have dinner in my room. I´ve heard you´ve got an excellent chef. ¨

¨That´s right, sir. Gustav´s a Cordon Bleu chef. He´s been with us for the last two years. He´s one of Mr Leckmelm´s wisest additions to the staff. ¨

¨Could you give me an hour and send up the restaurant menu, please? ¨

¨Certainly, sir, ¨agreed the manager, calling a bellboy to assist him with Lex´s luggage. ¨I´ll see you to your room. ¨

¨I´d rather you didn´t, Herr Müller. I wouldn´t like to attract too much attention. ´

¨As you prefer, sir. Good evening, then. ¨

Herr Müller had been impressed by the face-to-face meeting with one of America´s wealthiest men. Lex Luthor was a man of refined tastes and impeccable good manners. Still, his reputation as a relentless businessman was legendary and so were the stories the hotel manager had heard about him. The younger Luthor had no qualms about using whatever means were necessary to get what he wanted and had made a lot of enemies in his thirty-four years. Müller wondered what had happened to a bright and promising young man- a renowned philanthropist- such as Alexander Joseph Luthor to turn him into the heartless individual he now appeared to be. Although Müller ignored the reason that had brought the billionaire to Zurich, he pitied the poor soul that dared stand in his way.


	3. Dark Secrets

CHAPTER 3: Dark Secrets

Caisteal Cuilcheanna- Near Inchree- Scottish Highlands

It was close to six o´clock and she was driving back from Onich. She had been to the pebbly beach and taken with her several tubes of oil paint, an assortment of brushes, her old palette and a blank canvass with the idea of starting a new picture. Since Danny and her had moved into the castle near Loch Linnhe, she had started to paint again. Nothing like the dramatic sunsets in Morvern mountains and the delightful views of Ballachulish Bridge to awaken the dormant artist in her.

Time seemed to fly when she was sketching or taking a stroll along the beach in search of the perfect subject or the appropriate moment to capture the beauty of the Highlands. More often than not, she would sit down on her favourite spot with a flask of hot tea- an infusion she had got used to and that she couldn´t give up now- and a paper bag full of Mrs MacAllister´s raisin buns. She needed those moments alone- her soul cried for them and Danny respected that need for privacy.

She had met Danny in Glasgow five years before and had recognised in him another tortured soul. Danny was the only son and heir of Laird Leckmelm and had had a hard time proving his worth to his father. Before meeting her, he had led a reckless lifestyle and was falling pretty fast; but there was something in him that had told her he was beautiful inside. Soon she became his confidante, the one person from whom he kept no secrets- even the darkest ones. Three years later, Danny would surprise her with a confession and make her a proposition she didn´t have the heart to turn down.

She parked her Land Rover in front of the back entrance and stepped out.

¨Good evening, Mrs Leckhelm, ¨said Mr McAllister.

Good evening, Mr McAllister, ¨she answered warmly. ¨It was a breath-taking sunset, wasn´t it? ¨she stated, taking off the wellingtons.

¨It certainly was, madam. ¨

¨What time will dinner be ready? ¨

¨Mrs McAllister said at about seven, madam, ¨informed the butler. ¨The master´s in his study, ¨he added; a fleeting emotion of pain in his eyes.

¨Thanks, McAllister, ¨she answered with a sad smile.

She walked along the wooden-panelled corridors with a heavy heart, until she reached the room that was Danny´s favourite refuge. She hesitated for a couple of minutes, took a deep breath, pasted on her best smile and opened the door.

Danny was sitting in an armchair with a warm blanket on his lap. The fire was roaring, despite the fact that winter hadn´t arrived yet. It ached her to see her husband so helpless and fragile. He had lost several pounds and was but a shadow of the young man she had met five winters before.

¨Danny, it´s really cosy in here, ¨she said, placing a kiss on his forehead and grabbing tightly the hands, which rested limp on his lap. ¨Come here, Rascal, ¨she murmured to the Collie that sat on its rear and eyed its master with a sorrowful look. ¨You´re a beautiful boy, ¨she whispered in the animal´s ear, caressing his soft fur. ¨What was your afternoon like? ¨she asked, addressing Danny.

¨Darling, ¨he croaked, looking at the only woman who had meant something in his life. ¨There´s something I have to tell you. This arrived an hour after you left for Onich, ¨he said, leaning forward to reach a manila envelope that lay on the coffee table in front of him.

¨What is it? ¨she asked with a puzzled look.

¨It appears I can´t leave my past behind. I knew it´d come back knocking at my door. I wish I could spare you this, darling. You´re the best thing that has ever happened to me. ¨

¨What´s inside that envelope? ¨

¨Something I wish I could erase. ¨

¨Is someone blackmailing you, Danny? ¨

¨He´s threatened to send a similar envelope to my dad and, you know what that means. Dad doesn´t have an inkling and he must never know. If he ever found out, he´d disinherit me and you´d end up in the street.¨

¨I didn´t marry you because of your fortune, Danny. What does this man want? ¨

¨The hotels. He wants me to sign the sale papers for the whole chain. ¨

¨What? ¨she asked outraged. ¨He wants the only thing that´s truly yours. When you took the reins they were nothing... ¨

¨I think I have no choice but to give in. If these photographs arrive at my father´s doorstep... ¨

¨They won´t, ¨she said determinedly. ¨Leave it to me. When and where are you supposed to contact this... this... ? ¨she asked, searching for the correct term to name the person who could have no qualms about destroying the life of another human being.

¨Darling... it´s too dangerous. ¨

¨Don´t tell me, Daniel Leckhelm, there´s nothing of the highlander left in you. We´re going to fight this. Now... when and where, Danny? ¨

¨The day after tomorrow. Room 107 at The Stafford. You´d have to travel all the way to London. ¨

¨That won´t pose a problem, Daniel. Put your mind at rest. We´ll find a solution.¨

_How did you like these three first chapters? Are you eager to read a new instalment?_


	4. Tête à tête

CHAPTER 4: Têtê-à-têtê

Two months after his trip to Zurich, Lex checked in his favourite hotel in St James´s. He preferred it to The Ritz or the Hilton for its secluded location and the discretion of its staff. It was the perfect accommodation for the business he had in mind.

He had a relaxing bath in the marble tub- bathrooms in this hotel were extraordinary examples of craftsmanship- and ordered a continental breakfast. It was Friday and the deadline had arrived. He just had to sit down and wait. He had bided his time and was ready to reap the fruits of his patience.

At about ten o´clock the phone on his bedside table rang, and the receptionist informed him there was somebody asking for the guest of room 107.

¨ Send him up, please, ¨responded Lex.

¨It´s a she, sir, ¨said the receptionist. ¨She insisted you were expecting her. ¨

¨Ask her her name, please, ¨said Lex with a frown.

¨The lady says she´s Mrs Leckmelm, sir. ¨

¨I´ll see her. Tell her to wait for me at the restaurant. ¨

¨All right, sir, ¨answered the receptionist, putting down the receiver. ¨He´ll be down in a minute, madam, ¨he said, addressing the young woman. ¨Stevens, escort the lady to the restaurant, please. ¨

Lex put on his Italian tailor-made jacket and left his room for the lift. He didn´t relish the idea of dealing with a woman- least of all if the female turned out to be Leckmelm´s mother- but he had come all this way and wasn´t willing to back off.

When the lift stopped on the ground floor, he stepped out and ambled to the exclusive restaurant. His favourite table was located behind a marble column next to an exquisite French window, and Lex walked towards it, observing the back of the woman that was already sitting at it. He had been wrong in his assumption; the woman couldn´t be Leckmelm´s mother.

As the younger Luthor approached the young lady, he felt a sudden chill in his bones. He would have recognised that swan neck anywhere. He stopped across the table and saw her lift her eyes to meet his and felt the knot in his stomach tighten.

¨Lana? ¨whispered an emotional Lex.

¨L... Lex? ¨she stammered. ¨What... What are you doing here? ¨she asked with a puzzled look on her face.

¨I´m meeting someone. ¨

¨Room 107? ¨asked Lana with a grim foreboding.

¨Christ! Are you Mrs Leckmelm, Lana? ¨the truth dawning on him.

¨I am. Mrs Laura Leckmelm. ¨

¨Laura? Wasn´t that your mother´s name? ¨

¨It´s my name now. I needed to start afresh, ¨she responded, swallowing the lump in her throat.

¨You mean you didn´t want me to find you, ¨he answered, sitting down across her.

¨Nothing would have stopped you, Lex, if you´d really wanted to track me down, ¨she responded with a catch in her voice.

¨I thought it was for the best. ¨

¨The best for whom? ¨

¨Are you saying you wanted me to come for you, Lana? Why did you ask for divorce, then? ¨

¨I´m not here to talk about us, Lex. ¨

¨Right. You´re married now, aren´t you? Although, I can´t understand what kind of marriage it is. ¨

¨He´s a good man, Lex. He reminds me a lot of you. ¨

¨Is that why you married him? You cannot be happy with Leckmelm, Lana. ¨

¨I thought we both agreed there´s no such thing as happiness, Lex. ¨

¨Satisfied, then. Can you honestly say you´re satisfied with this sham? ¨

¨Careful, Lex, ¨she warned him. ¨Tell me this isn´t because of... ¨

¨It isn´t, ¨snapped Lex. ¨Believe me, Lana. I didn´t know Leckmelm was married- least of all to you. ¨

¨Only three people knew of our marriage. You´re the fourth now.¨

¨Why keep it a secret? ¨

¨Isn´t it obvious, Lex? Getting married to a Laird´s son is the surest way to make the headlines in Britain. Now... let´s get down to business. How much do you want for the negatives, Lex? ¨

¨This isn´t a question of money, Lana, ¨he responded gravely.

¨We both know that everyone has a price, Lex. Name it. This isn´t worth finishing someone´s dignity. ¨

¨He should have known better, Lana. ¨

¨These photos are the past, Lex. If I´m not wrong, you had a questionable past before coming to Smallville. Don´t you believe in second chances? ¨

¨I used to believe I could fight my destiny. Unfortunately I was proven wrong. In your husband´s case, things will be a lot harder. Nobody can change that much. What brings me back to my original question: Why did you marry him? Did you know the truth from the very beginning?¨

¨I did, Lex, and it´s never been an issue. He needs me and I won´t let you destroy him. ¨

¨I´m ready to negotiate. The question is: are you willing to do anything to protect your husband?¨


	5. Resolutions

CHAPTER 5: Resolutions

She had changed. Gone was the girl with the easy smile- not that there was much to laugh about his blackmail- and he could feel the heavy burden of guilt once again. He admired her loyalty, but he knew her allegiances could be as fickle as the wind. Lana had always been a sucker for the underdog and, therefore, Lex could understand her standing by Leckmelm up to a certain extent.

Seeing her after seven years had unsettled him and confirmed his feelings for her hadn´t changed. However, he couldn´t let sentimentality get the best of him. He loved her but if he had to play her, he would- better she hated him for what he was planning to do than for the part he had played in the tragedy which had ended their marriage.

Lana had had the shock of a lifetime when her eyes had focused on Lex at that restaurant. She had wondered what kind of a monster could resort to something as low as blackmail and had got the least expected answer. Extortion was part of the Luthor ethics- a set of values that had started to rub off on her when she moved in with Lex. True, she remembered threatening a doctor with the destruction of his career and family in her desire to protect the younger Luthor, but her motive had been love, and that wasn´t the case with his blackmail of Danny.

Lana wanted to believe there was still goodness in the man she hadn´t stopped loving. She hoped she could succeed at what she had failed seven years before. It had taken her a look at the hurt in those blue-grey eyes of his when she said Danny needed her to realise the wounds hadn´t healed after all. She had deserted him when he needed her most, and he still needed her but didn´t know how to let her in. She would try to break down the walls he had erected around him and save three souls in the process, but she didn´t know if he´d ever forgive her.

¨Laura, come back, ¨pleaded Danny on the phone.

¨I´m the only one who can stop this, Danny. ¨

¨It´s not worth it, darling, and I haven´t got the time or the inclination to fight this. ¨

¨Don´t give up, Danny, ¨she sobbed. ¨Please, understand. I´ve got to do this for the three of us. ¨

¨You still love him, don´t you? ¨

¨I´ve never stopped loving him, Danny. ¨

¨In these five years I´ve never asked you why you left him, Laura, but I´ve always had the impression there were unresolved issues between the two of you. If you choose to stay in London, know I won´t hold it against you. However, whatever you do, make sure you´re doing it for you and for the right reasons. You owe me nothing, Laura. Remember that. ¨

The phone conversation with her husband had left her drained but had further convinced her of his love for her. He was willing to sacrifice everything he had built on his own to see her happy, and that straightened her resolve to talk Lex out of his plan.


	6. The Oak Room

CHAPTER 6: The Oak Room

Lana met Lex for dinner at the exclusive restaurant in Picadilly after debating for hours what to wear and how to face her former husband now that the awkwardness of their first encounter was over. Lana had tried to prepare herself for the event with a cold mind in an attempt to control the turmoil that was raging inside her. However, the moment she entered The Oak Room she realised that, despite her efforts, she´d have a hard time hiding from him she could still be dough in his hands.

On seeing Lana walk towards their table Lex got up and grazed her cheek with a soft kiss, feeling her shiver- a fact that brought a knowing smile to his face. Lana saw Lex´s response to her involuntary reaction and felt like either kissing him or slapping him.

¨I´m glad you´ve come Lana. You look beautiful tonight, ¨he said drawing back the chair for her to sit down.

¨Thanks, Lex. You don´t look half bad yourself, ¨she smiled .

¨Sir, ¨ said the maître handing Lex the wine list. ¨Madam, ¨he added, giving Lana the menu. ¨I´ll be back when you´re ready to order. ¨

¨Thanks, Harris, ¨responded Lex with a nod.

¨I can see you´re a regular, Lex. Some things never change, ¨ said Lana, letting her eyes roam the luxurious but comfortable restaurant.

¨I always dine here when I´m in London for business. The cooking´s superb, ¨he answered, studying Lana´s profile.

¨Have you been around a lot in the last years? ¨she asked, turning her gaze towards him.

¨This is my first time in seven years, ¨he said gravely. ¨Harris and the staff remember me from my business trips to London before and after we got married. ¨

¨What would you recommend, Lex? ¨asked Lana, swallowing the lump in her throat and lowering her eyes to concentrate on the menu again.

¨The foie gras is excellent and so are the truffles, ¨was his response.

¨I´ll have what you have, Lex. I trust you, ¨she stated, passing him the menu.

¨You do? ¨he asked with a smirk, closing the wine list to take the menu.

¨I´ve always trusted you. You would never lie to me, ¨she answered in a low voice.

¨Seven years is a long time, Lana. People change, ¨he sobered.

¨Not in their essence, Lex. ¨

¨You wouldn´t think the same if you had kept tabs on what I´ve been doing during these years, Lana. ¨

¨What´s that supposed to mean? ¨

¨You can´t be that naïve. Not you. Not after being married to me. I´m a Luthor, remember? ¨

¨But you´re Lillian´s son as well. ¨

¨Whatever I had of my mother´s gone now, Lana. ¨

¨I can´t believe that. ¨

¨You should, Lana. What you see is what you get I´m afraid, ¨he responded, looking at her straight in the eye before summoning the maître to order.

¨You´re too complex, Lex. So don´t give me that. There are too many layers in you and you let me see just a few of them while we were married. Some of them might have frightened me, but they didn´t make me love you any less. ¨

¨I was never good, Lana. It was a mirage. This is the real me. My father was right; one cannot deny one´s destiny. ¨

¨And who says that is your destiny? You aren´t dead yet, Lex. Don´t you believe in second chances? ¨

¨I did once. God gave me a second chance when I drove off that bridge and I blew it. ¨

¨Why wouldn´t he give you another opportunity? ¨

¨I´m beyond redemption, Lana. ¨

¨Nobody´s beyond redemption, Lex, ¨she whispered with tears in her eyes before the maître took their order.

¨What did he say? ¨asked Lex after ordering dinner.

¨Pardon? ¨

¨Your husband, what did he say? ¨

¨About what? ¨

¨About the sale. Is he ready to sign the papers? ¨

¨He can´t afford to sell, Lex. ¨

¨He´d still have his inheritance. ¨

¨The chain´s the only thing that is truly his. Do you remember what it felt like when your dad wanted to take over LexCorp? If you take this from Daniel, he´ll give up entirely. He´s not a Luthor, Lex. And he hasn´t got the time either. He´s dying, Lex. ¨

¨Dying? ¨ he asked with a puzzled look.

¨I´m afraid you´ll have to fire your investigative team, Lex. Didn´t you know? ¨

¨I didn´t. You´ve done a pretty good job at hiding his condition. What´s wrong with him? ¨

¨He´s got cancer, ¨she said chokingly.

¨Is he being treated? ¨

¨He stopped the treatment a month ago. We´ve tried everything but... ¨

¨What´s the prognosis? ¨

¨He´ll be lucky if he lasts two months, ¨ she said, dabbing her eyes with a cotton handkerchief.

¨I´m sorry to have upset you, Lana, ¨he responded, putting his hand on top of hers. ¨Let´s have dinner, now. We´ll discuss business, later. ¨

¨Won´t you change your mind, Lex? ¨

¨Later, Lana. We´ll talk about my conditions when we finish eating. ¨

¨You´ll never forgive me, will you, Lex? ¨

¨Forgive you? You did nothing wrong. If there´s anyone who should ask for forgiveness, that´ll be me. I manipulated you, Lana.¨

¨I didn´t do anything I didn´t want to do, Lex. You didn´t talk me into doing anything. ¨

¨I took advantage of you when you were vulnerable, Lana. I have my share of blame for driving you into that position. ¨

¨My relationship with Clark had reached a point of no return, Lex, ¨said Lana, seeing him flinch when she mentioned his enemy´s name. ¨I just opened my eyes and saw things as they really were. You had been my best friend, guide and confidant for six years and... ¨

¨And I betrayed the trust you had put in me, Lana, for my own selfish motives. That night...¨

¨I was there, remember? You waited for me to make the first move. Your motives might have been selfish but you weren´t lying about your feelings, Lex. I don´t regret that night, do you? ¨

¨I don´t regret it. How could I ? What I regret´s how things ended.¨

¨Nobody´s got a crystal ball to see what the future has in store, ¨she stated, unfolding the starched napkin to place it on her lap.

¨In those days I fervently wished I had one. It would have saved us both a lot of pain and heartbreak, ¨he mirrored her action on seeing the waiter approach with their order.

Lex couldn´t help but remember the time he came back to the nursing home to visit Cassandra Carver. She had seen his ominous future, and her fragile heart couldn´t survive the shock. Everything had happened so fast that he didn´t get the chance to ask her all the questions he had in mind.

As the waiter set the food in front of Lana, Lex looked at the crown of her head and swallowed hard. Although Cassandra hadn´t shown him his romantic future, his own mother had. That Christmas, when he came out of coma, he was so afraid of losing Lana for ever that he swore to secure all the power and money he could to protect her from certain death. However, fate had had a mind of its own. It had spared her and in turn had chosen to hurt them both. It was a blow for which neither of them had been prepared.

Lana could feel his intense gaze on her, even though her eyes were focused on the savoury dish in front of her. It had been years since she had felt so feminine and nervous in the company of a male- Lex was the only man who had ever had that effect on her. His dual nature had always made her feel safe and on edge at the same time. She could remember being in awe of him at the beginning, when he was just a friend of Clark´s, and there had been that aura of power and self-assuredness around him which was both dangerous and alluring. She had felt attracted to him like the moth to the flame and, despite the protective walls he had erected around him, he had let her in. It was when she saw the vulnerable and hurt man behind the mask that she fell in love with him.

¨You´re painting again, ¨said Lex, taking her right hand across the table and cleaning a smudge. ¨Pastels? ¨

¨I hadn´t come to London in a while and I couldn´t resist making some sketches of the lake when I visited St James´s Park this morning. ¨

¨Does he make you happy, Lana? ¨ he murmured.

¨We´ve already gone over this, Lex, ¨she sighed.

¨And I seem to remember you didn´t give me a straight answer then. ¨

¨He makes me feel at peace with myself, ¨she confessed.

¨At peace? Was living with me so hateful? ¨ he asked bitterly.

¨Don´t do this, Lex, ¨she pleaded.

¨I know I was an ass after... ¨he started emotionally.

¨Stop, please, ¨she blurted, raising her glassy eyes to meet his stormy blue-grey ones. ¨You were hurting, Lex. ¨

¨Don´t try to excuse me, Lana. What I did was unforgivable. I should have... ¨

¨Been there for me? You´d always been there, Lex. I had constantly come to you for advice on the pettiest of affairs while I was at high school, and you never turned me down. If there´s anyone to blame that´d be me. I should have known how to reach to you, but I was ill-equipped, Lex. You were a fascinating, complex man and I was nothing but a green schoolgirl in love. ¨

¨I shouldn´t have let you leave. ¨

¨You needed someone I couldn´t be. ¨

¨I needed you, Lana, not a sophisticated socialite. It was you I loved- I still do. ¨

¨Why did you sign the divorce papers, Lex? ¨

¨Wasn´t that what you wanted? ¨

¨Don´t answer me with a question, Lex. If what you´ve just said is true, then why did you sign the documents? ¨

¨Had Daniel already proposed to you when your lawyer drafted the documents, Lana? ¨¨

¨ Answer my question, Lex. ¨

¨I believe I´ve already had. I love you, Lana. Is that what you wanted to hear again? I´ve never stopped loving you. And if signing those damn papers was the only way to ensure your happiness, I thought: So be it. ¨

¨What do you want from Daniel, Lex? ¨

¨I want what´s mine, Lana. It´s as simple as that. ¨

¨Were you lying at the hotel restaurant when you said you didn´t know I was married to him? ¨

¨I wasn´t lying. You weren´t the reason for my coming after your husband. ¨

¨I wasn´t... Does that mean I am now? ¨

¨Even though I signed those papers, I still think of you as my wife, and I´d be a hypocrite to say that now this isn´t about you. ¨

¨If you love me, as you say you do, you´ll leave Daniel alone. ¨

¨This is also business, Lana. I want this chain. It should have been mine a long time ago. ¨

¨You sound like an obsessed man. ¨

¨Why don´t you ask your beloved husband how he got the hotels in the first place? ¨

¨What are you hinting at? ¨

¨I only hope my dad had nothing to do with Daniel coming into your life. ¨

¨Lionel? What has he got to do with anything? ¨

¨I´ve been trying to purchase this chain for years, long before we were married. Every time I´ve made an offer, I´ve been outbid. It wasn´t until a couple of months ago I got proof of who was actually behind everything. ¨

¨Are you saying that Daniel´s known who I am all the while? ¨

¨I´m not saying anything, Lana. Maybe your coming together was just a coincidence, ¨ he shrugged.

¨You don´t believe in coincidences, Lex, ¨she stated matter-of-factly.

¨Do you? Not everyone´s like me. Not everyone´s got hidden agendas, love. ¨he smirked. ¨You look breathtaking tonight. ¨

¨Lex... ¨she warned him, avoiding his gaze.

¨What? Is it because of the term of endearment? ¨

¨I´m married to Daniel now, Lex. ¨

¨You aren´t his wife; not in the real sense of the word and we both know it. ¨

¨I´ve made vows, Lex. ¨

¨You made vows to me long before you married him, ¨he said passionately.

¨He´s dying, Lex, ¨she responded with a quivery voice.

¨Is that what it takes to get your love, Lana? ¨he asked tersely.

¨ What are you doing , Lex? ¨she sobbed.

¨I´ve promised myself I´d never beg again. But you´ve always managed to get through my defences. ¨

¨You don´t need to beg, Lex, ¨she sniffed, getting up from the table. ¨There´s never been anyone but you, ¨she added, her eyes brimming with tears.

¨Wait, Lana, ¨he said, grabbing her by the wrist.

¨Let me go, Lex. We´ve said enough for one night. ¨

¨Talk to him. ¨

¨I´m not leaving him, Lex. Even if your dad had anything to do with our meeting, I know Daniel well enough to be certain he really cares for me now. He needs me. ¨

¨_I_ need you. ¨

¨You know how to be strong, Lex. ¨

¨I´m tired of pretending to be someone I´m not. Why do I have to pay for his weakness? ¨he asked savagely. ¨What? Why are you looking at me like that? ¨

¨You´re better than this, Lex. ¨

¨You´re wrong, Lana. I´m the most selfish when it comes to you. ¨

¨Let Daniel be and I promise I´ll come back to you. ¨

¨Are you trying to blackmail me, Lana? ¨

¨I´ve learnt from the best. ¨

¨When? When will you come to me? ¨

¨Time´ll tell. ¨

¨It´s not good enough. ¨

¨It´ll have to be. ¨

¨OK. On one condition. ¨

¨Name it. ¨

¨Stay with me tonight. ¨


	7. Tempted

CHAPTER 7: Tempted

The ride on the hotel lift was deadly quiet, just like the silence before a storm. Lana could feel her palms sweating and the blood pumping in her ears. She wanted to be in his arms and listen to the soothing, steady beat of his heart. She wanted him out of a simple, instinctual need for his physical nearness, but she was aware that she was playing with fire. He had said ´No strings attached´, but the temptation would be hard to resist.

¨Are you having second thoughts? ¨he asked sweetly, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

¨I... ¨she croaked, leaning against his hand, in front of his room door.

¨I just want to feel you close to me tonight. I won´t ask for anything you aren´t willing to give, Lana. ¨he explained, taking the key out of his pocket,

Lana hesitated at the door. She had never felt so tempted to break her vows to Daniel before and hated herself for it. Lex had been right when he said her marriage to the Laird´s heir couldn´t be further removed from what theirs had been. Still, she believed she owed her second husband a modicum of respect.

¨A penny for your thoughts, ¨said Lex, divesting himself of his jacket.

¨This isn´t right, Lex, ¨she answered with a strained voice.

¨What isn´t right? Me wanting to lie next to the woman I´ve pledged to love and to cherish for the rest of my life? ¨

¨We´re no longer married. ¨

¨Can you honestly say that from the bottom of your heart? A divorce is just a signature on a piece of paper, Lana. It doesn´t kill anything unless it´s already dying, ¨he responded, coming closer to her. ¨There´s nothing to be afraid of. ¨he added, caressing her cheek, ¨I´ll just hold you, Lana, I promise. ¨

¨I haven´t got anything to sleep in, ¨she whispered when her eyes strayed to the king-size bed in the room.

¨I´ll lend you one of my pyjamas, ¨he smiled sweetly. ¨There´s a new toothbrush in the bathroom as well. And we can ask for some cosmetics at reception in the morning, ¨he explained, opening a closet and taking a pair of silk purple pyjamas, which he handed over to her. ¨You go first, ¨he instructed, signalling the bathroom. ¨I have some phone calls to make. ¨

¨I´ve got to call Daniel. If he asks to be put through to my room... ¨ she murmured.

¨Sure. I´ll be done by the time you finish getting ready, ¨he answered, sitting at the desk and picking up the handset.

Lana came out of the bathroom a quarter of an hour later to find Lex checking his e-mails on the laptop. She let her eyes roam his back and felt a tremor course though her. Her heart was beating like a jungle drum, and she couldn´t help but wonder if it wasn´t heard across the room. She loved him. She had never stopped loving him and for that reason she was as nervous as on her wedding night. Although she knew he was a man of his word, she was apprehensive about lying in bed next to him because she didn´t trust herself.

Lex heard the bathroom door open and felt the heat of her gaze on him. He needn´t turn around to read on her face what she was feeling for they had always been attuned. He browsed the last e-mail and shut down the laptop, giving himself time to control his emotions.

¨I´m done with the bathroom, Lex, ¨she said to his back, hugging herself.

¨Why don´t you slip under the covers, Lana? It´s cold tonight, ¨he answered, taking off his cufflinks before going into the bathroom. ¨You can use the phone on the nightstand to call your husband, ¨he added, locking his blue-grey eyes with hers.

¨I will, thanks, ¨she murmured, averting her eyes when he caught her staring at his unbuttoned collar and loosened tie.

¨Take your time, ¨he responded, leaving his cufflinks and the Napoleon franc watch on his night table.

¨Hi, Danny! ¨ she exclaimed when the butler put her through.

¨Laura, is everything OK? You sound strange, ¨he asked concerned.

¨Everything´s fine, Danny. How was your day? ¨she responded, tightening the grip on the receiver.

¨It´s been drizzling all day long but Rascal has kept me company, ¨he smiled, stroking his faithful pet.

¨Listen, I just wanted you to know where to reach me, ¨she explained, shutting her eyes.

¨Have you left the hotel? ¨he asked quietly. ¨Laura? ¨he added when she didn´t answer promptly.

¨Danny... ¨she sighed.

¨He´s there, isn´t he? ¨ he smiled.

¨It isn´t what you think, Danny. ¨

¨You don´t owe me any explanations, Laura. You love him. I´ve always known that. But remember what I´ve told you. Whatever you choose to do in the end... do it for you... not for a false sense of gratitude towards me. I´m a grown-up man and it´s high time I stopped hiding. ¨

¨You can´t afford to lose the chain, Danny. Your father... ¨

¨Laura, my mind´s made up. Tell him he can do whatever he pleases with the information he´s got. I´m not afraid any more. I suppose being on one´s deathbed changes one´s perspective on life. ¨

¨You shouldn´t be talking like that, Danny. The doctor said... ¨

¨The doctor said what he thought I wanted to hear, Laura, ¨ he cut her off. ¨We both knew the prognosis and I´m living on borrowed time. Be happy, sweetheart. God knows you deserve better than to be chained to someone like me. ¨

¨Danny, ¨she stifled a sob.

¨Talk to him, Laura. Clear up the air between you two. I don´t know what it was that drove you away from him but I could tell you were always restless. There had been a couple of times when I thought you´d up and leave me to go running back to him. ¨

¨ Have I been that transparent? ¨

¨According to what I know of Luthor, he´s a hard man to read, but that personality trait of his hasn´t rubbed off on you, Laura. No matter how hard you´ve tried to hide behind that sweet smile of yours, I´ve always known you were hurting. Let´s be honest, here. It was that suffering what brought us together. ¨

¨You know I care about you, Danny, don´t you? ¨ she croaked, wiping the tears off her face.

¨I know you do, darling. We both entered this relationship with our eyes open. You know me and- in spite of everything I´ve done, of the life I´ve led- you could still see something in me which I couldn´t find when I looked at myself in the mirror before meeting you. ¨

¨You´re a great man, Danny. I thank God for meeting you when I needed someone so badly. Your dad was a fool to have driven you away. You´re his own flesh and blood. How could.. ¨she said with a cracking voice, ¨how could one forsake... ¨she sobbed. ¨How could one overcome... ¨she whispered, ¨ losing a child? ¨

¨God! ¨exclaimed Danny when the truth dawn on him. ¨It was that, wasn´t it? ¨

¨You should have... you should have seen her, Danny, ¨she whispered as the tears trailed down her cheeks. ¨She had his eyes... She was his world and I... I ... killed her, Danny, ¨she cried, stifling a sob.

¨What do you mean you killed her? ¨asked Danny softly.

Lex stood transfixed in the bathroom doorway on hearing Lana´s last words. All the time they had both blamed themselves for their child´s death but never mouthed their feelings. The decision had driven them apart, turned him into the ruthless businessman people had come to fear and ended with Lana trapped in a marriage with a man who could never give her what they had once had.

¨I ... I did something... I was so desperate, Danny. I thought... he wanted a family so badly... and I... ¨she sobbed.

¨Calm down, darling. Breathe.¨

¨I thought... I thought he wouldn´t love me any more. ¨

¨Why? ¨

¨I couldn´t believe it... when I found out I was pregnant... It worked and he was so... elated... I just couldn´t tell him ... I couldn´t, ¨she hiccupped.

¨ Laura, what couldn´t you tell him? ¨

¨I´m sorry, Danny, ¨she murmured, wiping away the tears with the heel of a hand. ¨I can´t... I can´t talk about this now... ¨

¨It´s OK, darling. I´m not the one you should talk with. But you can count on me just the same. Phone me if you need me, Laura. ¨

¨Thanks, Danny. Goodnight, ¨she croaked, putting down the receiver.

Lex looked at her back and saw her body shake as she tried to stifle the racking sobs. She wrapped her arms around herself and rocked her body to and fro. Seven years had gone by, but the stark naked pain was there just as if everything had happened only a few days before.

¨Lana, ¨murmured Lex, his eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

The sound of his voice startled her and she got up of the bed with her back to him, incapable of turning around and facing him.

¨Lana, ¨he repeated with a steadier voice now.

¨How long have you been there? ¨she asked shakily.

¨Long enough, ¨he responded, trying to rein in his emotions.

¨I´ve got to leave, ¨she said in a raspy voice, fetching her trench coat and starting to put it on the pyjamas. ¨This was a mistake. I can´t... I can´t do this. ¨

¨Look at me, Lana, ¨he stated, making her turn around.

¨I can´t , ¨she sobbed.

¨Listen to me. Whatever you think you´ve done doesn´t matter any more. ¨

¨But it does, Lex. Have you heard... have you heard what I´ve just said on the phone? ¨she asked, averting her gaze when he tilted up her chin with a gentle hand.

¨I have. ¨

¨You don´t know what I´ve done. ¨

¨I know what you did to give me what I wanted more than anything in this world, sweetheart. I found out early in your pregnancy when I stumbled on a vial and a syringe stashed away in a box in your dresser. ¨

¨What? ¨she asked in a strangled voice, daring to look up and meet his stormy blue-grey eyes.

¨And I loved you even more because of that. I talked with Dr Evans when I read the prescription on the vial. He had no right... no right to use you as a guinea pig for that drug ... ¨

¨He had no choice, Lex... I... I blackmailed him, ¨she said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

¨I know. He told me. You don´t know how much I regretted that... I wanted to shelter you so much, to keep you away from my ways, the Luthor ways. ¨

¨I would have done anything, Lex. I was so afraid of losing you. ¨

¨We could have adopted, you know, ¨he said warmly, cupping her face in both hands and feeling the tears trailing down his own cheeks.

¨It wouldn´t have been the same... Carrying your child-our child- for nine months, Lex...Seeing that special light in your eyes when you saw her first sonogram and when she gave you her first smile. If I had known.. ¨she stifled a sob.

¨Lana, ¨he said soothingly, pulling her towards him and wrapping her in his arms.¨You did nothing wrong. The fertility drugs you took... experimental as they were... didn´t kill Lilly, ¨he said quietly next to her ear, inhaling the lavender perfume he had missed so much.

¨How can you know for certain, Lex? ¨she asked, tightening her grip on his shirt.

¨I just know it, ¨he whispered, pressing a kiss on her temple and checking the tears that were threatening to fall again.

¨How? ¨she insisted, and he felt the crushing load of guilt fall upon him.

Lex closed his eyes and tightened the embrace. He needed to feel her warmth, needed her to thaw the cold armour he had worn for so long but, most of all, he needed her forgiveness and couldn´t ask for it; not if it meant losing her once more when he had just found her again.

¨Lex? ¨she asked, feeling the dampness of his tears on her skin. ¨What is it that you aren´t telling me? ¨

¨Lana, ¨he said with a quivering voice, ¨stop torturing yourself. ¨

¨How can you say that? ¨she cried, squirming in the circle of his arms.

¨Nothing´s going to bring Lilly back, ¨he responded with misty eyes. ¨We should put this behind us. It´s time, Lana. ¨

¨You don´t believe that, Lex. I just have to look in your eyes to know you haven´t forgotten it. ¨

¨Maybe I never will, Lana. But it´s not you I blame. Never you. ¨

¨I don´t want your magnanimity, Lex! ¨she snapped, disengaging herself from his embrace.

¨It isn´t magnanimity. Believe me, ¨he answered with a sad smile. ¨I wish it were. ¨

¨Then, what is it? ¨she frowned.

´Guilt! ´he wanted to shout.

¨Lex, we´ve always been honest with each other. You´ve been the one person in my life who´s never treated me like the poor little girl on the cover of Time magazine. Don´t start lying to me, now. ¨

¨I´m not lying, ¨he said gravely.

¨And why don´t I believe you? ¨ she whined.

¨What do you want me to say, Lana? ¨

¨The truth. ¨

¨The truth? ¨he echoed.

¨Yes, the truth, ¨she repeated pulling her coat tighter around her.

¨The truth´s not a day passes by when I don´t regret ever letting you go. I´ve kept telling myself it was for the best; that you deserve better. But never, ever, have I regretted marrying you or having you as the mother of my child. Not a day goes by when I don´t miss having you next to me when I wake up in the mornings, ¨he confessed, his voice charged with emotion as he closed the gap between them and let his fingers comb through her hair. ¨Not a minute goes by when I don´t crave for your touch, ¨he added, resting his forehead against hers. ¨I miss your smile, your voice, your scent on my pillow. I miss you and how our bodies fit together when we make love. ¨

¨Don´t... ¨she choked, putting her hands on his chest. ¨You promised, Lex. ¨

¨Look me in the eye, Lana, and tell me you don´t believe I word of what I´m saying, ¨he answered, boring his eyes into her.

¨I´ve never doubted your love, Lex, ¨she sighed.

¨Then, don´t start now, ¨he murmured, pressing a kiss on her pulse.

¨Please, Lex, ¨she moaned.

¨Please what? ¨he asked seductively.

¨Please, let me go, ¨she shivered when he nibbled her ear.

¨That isn´t what you want, Lana, and you know it, ¨he stated smugly.

¨You promised, ¨ she whimpered.

¨I promised not to force you to do anything you didn´t want to. ¨

¨I don´t want to break my vows. ¨

¨Your vows to whom, Lana? ¨

¨We´ve already had this conversation, Lex. I´m not cheating on Daniel.¨

¨He isn´t your husband. I am, ¨he said passionately.

¨I can´t stay. I´m sorry, Lex, ¨she said in a low voice, breaking the contact.

¨Think of Daniel, Lana. I still have those negatives, remember? ¨he said smoothly, playing the trump card he loathed to play.

¨Are you that desperate to have me, Lex, to stoop that low? Or is your obsession with this damn chain of hotels what´s really driving you? ¨

Lex clenched his jaws at the words she spat at him. He knew that if he let her go this time, there´d be no turning back. He turned around, grabbed his briefcase, unlocked it and took a manila envelope which he handed to Lana.

¨Take it, ¨he said grimly. ¨Come on, Lana. Take it. ¨

¨What´s this? ¨she asked with a frown.

¨I´m not asking you to prostitute yourself for a bunch of dirty pictures. ¨

Lana took the envelope with shaky hands and walking to the dresser, she emptied the contents on its surface.

¨It´s all there; negatives, prints... You have my word. Is that good enough for you? There´s the fireplace. You can burn them if you like, ¨he added when he saw her browse the photos.

¨Are you going to let a multimillion dollar business slip through your fingers just like that, Lex? ¨

¨There are other ways to get what I want, but I can´t risk losing you again. ¨

¨This doesn´t change my decision, Lex. I´m not staying the night. I want to. You´re worldly enough to know how much. But, even if I had your promise you wouldn´t touch me... it´s me I can´t trust. I´m not ready for this yet, Lex. I´m sorry.¨

¨I can wait. You know I´ve never been more patient in my life than when it comes to you and me. I waited five years for you to see what could be ours. I´m more than willing to give you whatever time you need if there´s a chance of being together again. ¨

¨I don´t know how long it´ll take, Lex. ¨

¨I don´t care. The words I said to you the night you accepted my marriage proposal are still true. I would wait for ever for you.¨

¨Thank you, Lex, ¨she said with misty eyes as she stood on tiptoe and pressed a soft kiss on his lips.

¨Go, Lana. Go now before I change my mind and make you stay, ¨he told her, trying to resist the urge to crush her pliant lips with his and devour her whole.


	8. Memories

CHAPTER 8: Memories

Letting Lana leave his suite had been the hardest decision Lex had had to take in years. Giving up the strongest leverage he had against her husband would never come near to what it had felt like to see her walk away. He knew that if he´d pushed her just a little bit harder he would have got what he had asked of her and more. Still, he didn´t relish the idea of her second-guessing about his motivations. He yearned for her but didn´t want her to regret coming to him. He simply had to bide his time because come she would; he was definitely certain of that, and when that moment arrived, he´d never let her go.

THREE MONTHS LATER

Twilight was approaching, and Lana sat cradling a cup of steamy Early Grey in her cold hands as she watched the sun set across the blue hills of Morvern. Seeing Caisteal Stalcair- the most romantic castle in Appin- with such a backdrop brought tears to her eyes. She had spent the whole afternoon making sketches for her next painting and now, she couldn´t help but wonder whether it hadn´t been her memories of another distant Scottish castle what had prompted her to cross the Ballachulish Bridge and follow the White Shore that day. Her intention had been to drive to Glencoe, but something had kept drawing her westward.

A stifled sob came through her lips as she replayed the scene at the hotel. She had left him standing in the middle of the suite, too afraid to give in to what she was feeling, too weak to face his all-consuming passion. She knew him, maybe better than himself, and she had been far from ready for what would have come afterwards. He had said he could wait for her, but if she had stayed that night, he wouldn´t have let her go. He had always been possessive by nature, and she had never felt more exhilarated than having someone love her that much. She needed to feel treasured and protected just as much as he needed her to tell him in every possible way that he was worthy to be loved. It had been that painful need to feel loved and deserving what had brought them together. There was and there would never be anyone with whom she could feel more attuned. Clark had been but a mirage, and Daniel had been an oasis of comfort at a time when everything looked grim, but Lex was her world, the one person who knew what she needed even before she did herself.

The tears that brimmed her coffee-brown eyes started to fall one by one, and Lana let all her pent-up emotion wash over her. She cried for Lilly, for Lex, for her and for Daniel- who reminded her so much of the billionaire. Her first husband´s assumption that Daniel had entered her life as part of a plan orchestrated by Lionel to wound him had been correct. Daniel had confessed to that on his deathbed. She had felt betrayed at the time and saw herself manipulated again by Lex´s dad- a pawn in a never-ending game. She hated Daniel then, hated him for being so weak, for letting Lionel use his weakness against him. Lex hadn´t been the first one to threaten to reveal Daniel´s homosexuality to his father, the Laird. She couldn´t say she was surprised- the son had learnt his tricks from his father; only that Lex- unlike Lionel- still had scruples. She didn´t care that Lex had tried to make her see that was no longer the case. She wasn´t ready to believe he was altogether doomed; not the man she had married and with whom she had started a family; not when she had seen in those blue-grey eyes of his how much love he had to give and how afraid he was of never being good enough to deserve hers.

Lana looked at the blue, pink and purple-coloured skies and saw the sun disappear on the horizon as she wiped the tears away with the heels of her hands. She stood up with the now empty cup in her hand and approached the half-painted canvass she had left propped up on the easel. It was time to collect her stuff and make her way back before the wet cold of the Scottish Highlands penetrated her young body to the bones.

LEX LUTHOR´S RESIDENCE- BROOK STREET- LONDON

Lex was finishing his second cup of coffee in the dining-room of his Georgian residence located in the exclusive London area of Brook Street when he reached the Art section of The Times. He scanned it to get a gist of its content and held his breath when his eyes fell on a photograph. The black-and-white picture didn´t do her justice.

¨Jarvis, ¨he said to the elderly man who stepped in the room to clear the table, ¨don´t expect me for me dinner tonight. I´ll be eating out. ¨

¨All right, sir. Shall I tell Mrs Johnston she can retire for the evening, then? ¨asked the servant, placing the crockery on a tray.

¨Certainly. Tell her she can ask Tim to drive her to Brighton. It´s her daughter´s birthday, isn´t it? ¨queried Lex, folding the newspaper.

¨Yes, sir, ¨answered Jarvis.

¨Inform her she can take the weekend off. She´s earned it, ¨smiled Lex.

¨She´ll appreciate that, sir, ¨finished the dignified butler as his master pushed back his chair and left for the stairs.

Once in the master bedroom, Lex proceeded to change into one of his brand-new Italian custom-made suits. As he finished grooming and looked at himself in the mirror to check the tie and the platinum cufflinks with the engraved initials, he experienced a déjà vu. How many times had he stood in front of a looking-glass doing just the same thing while Lana wandered about their room nervous because he was already dressed and she had got too engrossed in her painting and was still in her underwear?

An involuntary smile came to his lips when he remembered one particular evening. They had a dinner party at the house of one of his father´s business partners- an infernal do Lionel expected him to attend. Lex had picked up Lana´s attire from the Seventh St designer in Metropolis on his way back to Smallville and had taken the precaution of showering and changing in his office at LuthorCorp Plaza after a tedious board meeting. He figured he´d save time that way, but once he crossed the threshold of the master bedroom and saw Lana brushing her long silky hair- and wearing just a delicate creamed-coloured lacy body and knee hose- he realised it had been all in vain. Not only was she still in a state of virtual undress, she was far too tempting for a hot-blooded healthy enamoured husband to resist. Lionel´s associate be damned. Eventually, they had made it to the dinner, arriving just as the main course was being served and earning a glare from Luthor Sr. Although not unwelcomed, the memory was now bittersweet, for it was that evening of spontaneous passion that their child had been conceived.

Lex fastened the cufflinks, a gift of Lana´s when they celebrated their first anniversary, and opened the top drawer of the dresser. He picked up the silver frame that lay in the bottom and, seeing the baby girl in the picture, felt the tears prick his eyes. He shut the drawer and, looking at Lilly with trembling lips, he pressed a kiss on the photo and set the portrait down on his night table. It had taken him close to seven years to gather the courage to look at their daughter again. Every album and every picture of the baby girl and of Lana carrying her in her womb had been vanished from the mansion, stashed away in a trunk in the basement. It still hurt to see the innocence on the face of their baby, the fruit of their love. He knew he had to thank the Heavens above for the chance of ever meeting her and holding her in his arms, if only for a few months; but her memory was a constant reminder of what he had once had and of the man he was becoming- a man in the image of his dad- the very thing he had always fought to prevent but couldn´t stop from happening. There had been a time when he thought he could make it, that he could escape his destiny, but his bliss was short-lived. The two lights in his life had left him and he couldn´t do anything but blame himself for it. It was the curse in his blood. It was the curse of being a Luthor.


	9. Home Again

CHAPTER 9: Home Again

London

Lana´s new exhibition at Lisson Gallery had been a resounding success- half of the pictures had been sold for a good sum and her Caisteal Stalcair landscape had been purchased for an outrageous price by a private buyer. He had done his best to remain anonymous but once she had spot Lex in the exhibition rooms she knew who had paid in cash. She hadn´t seen him in six months- he had given her time and space, for which she was grateful. But seeing him across the room, looking so smug and elegant in his impeccable dinner jacket, owning the place so effortlessly, she felt her resolve waver. Their eyes had locked and everything and everyone around them simply vanished. From that moment onwards she had barely functioned on autopilot, shaking hands and smiling whenever she was introduced to some art critic or gallery regular. The only sound she could hear was the fast drumming of her heart in her ears and her eyes kept straying to him as he wandered the rooms and observed her paintings- engaging in polite conversation with some visitor or other.

As the chit-chat dwindled and the gallery steadily emptied Lana felt the inevitable approaching- she was scared and exhilarated at the same time. She knew they had been dancing around each other for too long and now that Daniel was dead she could no longer seek refuge in her marital status. She knew that night she would be leaving with Lex and her heart kept making somersaults.

Lex killed the engine of his BMW and opened the passenger door to help Lana get out. A cold wind had suddenly started to blow and he saw her shiver. Always the gentleman, he took off his jacket and placed it on her shoulders. Lana welcomed the warmth and snuggled in the expensive garment, discreetly lowering her face to smell Lex´s perfume on it.

Not a word had been exchanged from the moment he had approached her once the exhibition came to a close. They hadn´t been necessary for they understood each other only too well. The time had come for them to face their own personal demons and to accept the truth which couldn´t be denied.

Lana unlocked the front door of her flat and switched on a lamp. As Lex closed the door behind them, she left the key chain and her bag on the console in the hall and, stretching out an arm, took a hand of his in hers and guided him across the living-room. Lex followed her, taking in the surroundings. She had done a great job decorating the place; he could tell she hadn´t engaged the services of a professional but done it herself. The apartment definitely looked and smelled like her. God, how he had missed that!

Lana stopped at her bedroom door and turned the doorknob slowly. Lex felt her tremble and pulled her arm gently to make her turn around and face him.

¨Lana, ¨he said softly, ¨are you sure this is what you want? ¨

¨You´re my husband, Lex, ¨she responded meeting his expressive blue-grey eyes.

¨I just want you to be sure, because once we cross this line, there´s no turning back. ¨

¨I know, ¨she whispered. ¨I´m ready. Are you? ¨she added, coming closer to the warmth he radiated.

¨I was born ready, ¨he said smugly.

¨Lex, ¨she responded with a quivering smile, ¨how can you joke at a moment like this? ¨

¨I´m scared witless, Lana, ¨he responded with a trembling voice as he let his fingers comb through her hair and he rested his forehead against hers.

¨That makes us two, then, ¨she confessed, wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on tiptoe to press a tentative kiss on his lips.

The moment Lex felt her mouth on his all his pent-up desire broke loose. He kissed her with a hunger which frightened him in its intensity. He heard her moan and felt her press her body closer to his, and he thought he´d die, like someone who´s been denied food and water for too long and finds himself in front of a banquet and hasn´t got enough hands to seize what he craves.

Lana felt his desperation in every stroke of his tongue in her mouth and every caress of his hands on her body. The jacket he had thrown on her slipped to the floor as she strained to grant him access to the feverish skin underneath it. She felt his mouth worship her body as her clothes were discarded one by one, and she lay down on the cool Egyptian cotton sheets, her chocolate eyes never breaking contact with his blue-grey orbs.

Lex saw her fumble with his belt, her body flushed with her arousal and he couldn´t help but think she´d never looked more exquisite. The seven years that had gone by and the child she had carried in her womb had given her more curves, and she seemed to be more of a woman than she´d ever been before. Gone was the innocent girl he had married, replaced by a grown-up who knew what she wanted and wasn´t afraid of going for it. He had had a hand in that transformation and, although he hated the fact she had had to suffer because of him, he allowed himself to smile with pride when his lips met hers in a searing kiss.

Lana felt him hover over her as if he were afraid of crushing her under his weight. She lifted her torso up to cup his face in her hands and scattered kisses on his cheeks and along his jaw line.

¨Love me, Lex, ¨she whispered in his ear and felt him tremble against her

Despite his urge to claim her as his after so many years, Lex tried to curve his passion afraid of hurting her or of ruining things for both. Everything had to be perfect. He wanted her to enjoy every minute, to feel how much he had missed her, to know how deep he still loved her.

Lana realised he was trying hard to rein in his ardour and loved him even more for that. However, she felt he was taking things too slowly. His gentle caresses and the leisurely kisses he scattered on her already heated skin was wrecking havoc on her.

¨Lex, ¨she moaned as he nibbled a sensitive spot close to her ear.

¨Yes? ¨he whispered, kissing her pulse.

¨Too slow, ¨she whined, shifting under him.

¨I want you to remember every minute of it, Lana, ¨he murmured, boring his darkened blue-grey eyes into her.

¨I will, but I don´t know... how long... ¨

¨We´ve got a lifetime ahead of us, love. Why rush it? ¨

¨I won´t break, Lex. I´m not made of china. Don´t hold back because of me. ¨

¨I´m not... ¨

¨Lex, ¨she smiled softly, ¨I know you, remember? ¨

¨Then let me get protection, ¨he answered, pressing a kiss on her lips.

¨Lex, ¨she responded, grabbing him by the hand as he stepped down to go for his wallet, ¨please, ¨ she croaked.

¨Lana... we can´t ..., ¨he stammered.

¨My body´s clean. There´s no trace of the drug in my system. ¨

¨I know, ¨he said, holding her gaze.

¨Then, why? ¨she sobbed.

¨It´s not you, Lana, ¨he responded, coming closer to her and cupping her face in his hands.

¨If it isn´t me, then what´s wrong? ¨she asked him, her eyes brimmed with tears.

¨I´m doing it again, ¨he said grimly. ¨I can´t help but hurt you when all I want, all I´ve ever wanted, is to love you. ¨

¨You´d never hurt me, Lex. ¨

¨It´s the only thing I´ve done since we got married. ¨

¨That´s not true and you know it, Lex, ¨she answered passionately, kneeling on the bed and bringing her lips close to his.

¨Lana, ¨he murmured, feeling the warmth of her breath near his mouth.

¨I love you, Lex, ¨she added, tugging at his lower lip with her teeth. ¨I want my husband back, ¨she finished, snaking her arms around his neck and pressing her nakedness against his.

Lex let her do and found his mouth open of its own accord to grant her access. As their tongues mated in a passionate duel, he realised there had always been very little he could do to resist her charms. He had been the worldly one of the couple, but she had always known how to break down his defences. Before marrying Lana, he had never relished the feeling of not being the one in control inside and outside the bedroom, but Lana´s passionate nature had taught him that it was acceptable to let himself go, and that that wouldn´t make him less of a man.

Lana felt his control was gradually ebbing away and when the moment arrived she saw in his eyes the internal struggle he was waging. His gaze went briefly to the nightstand where she kept a portrait of Lilly, and she realised she had lost the battle. She shook her head on the pillow on seeing him stretch out an arm and take the wrapper on the night table.

¨I love you, Lana, ¨he said with a crack in his voice as they became one again, and he pressed a demanding kiss on her lips.

The unshed tears which had gathered in her eyes started to flow freely as she welcomed him in her body and she strove to bring him closer to her. Lex felt the saltiness on her lips and stopped to kiss the tears away. He hated himself for not telling her the truth, but he wasn´t ready- not when she had just accepted him back in her life; not when everything was so fragile yet.

Lana cried as much for what he denied her as for what he showed her with his own body. That he still loved her- maybe even more than seven years before- was doubtless and that gave her hope. She would let him tell her what he´d been keeping from her all those years in his own time. She could do that for Lex because she wanted him to know she loved him enough to be patient just as he had once been on her account. It hurt, but she knew that now that they were back together, they could be strong.

As they climaxed, she heard him sob and, the man who almost everyone considered a cold insensitive bastard like his father, let the tears flow.

¨I loved her so much, Lana, ¨he choked, opening up to her for the first time after Lilly´s death.

¨So did I, Lex, ¨she murmured, wiping his teardrops away with her thumbs.

¨You understand, don´t you? ¨he asked, resting his forehead on hers.

¨I do, Lex. I can wait, ¨she responded, cupping his face in both hands and pressing a sweet kiss on his mouth.

Lex sighed relieved and promised himself then and there he´d hire the best scientists available and spare no money to make sure the following time their baby would have a chance. He cursed his Luthor meteor-infected blood for making him invulnerable to disease while dooming their child when mixed with Lana´s in their offspring´s bloodstream.

¨I promise, Lana. Soon, ¨he added, tucking a couple of stray hairs behind her ears.

¨I trust you, Lex. I´ve always had, ¨she smiled, caressing his cheek.

¨Are you coming home with me, Lana? ¨he asked with glassy blue-grey eyes.

¨I´m home, Lex, ¨she responded with passion, snuggling close to her husband in the afterglow.


End file.
